Winking (and other social habits I might not want to pick up)

There are five social habits that I notice the most in Albania, ranked in my order of enjoyment (1: enjoy the most; 5: enjoy the least):

1. Wink: Albanians wink a lot, and I love it. It makes you feel special from across a room. It is more subtle than a wave and gentler and more direct than a head nod. Both men and women wink, and they share them between the genders, too. There is nothing provocative and/or creepy about it, but it is only a sweet gesture.

2. Tsk and finger wag: I just love this one. You want to tell someone no? You don’t need to say anything, just make the face, say “tsk,” and move your pointer finger quickly from one side to the other. Feel free to throw your head back a little while you do it. I often engage in the practice (minus the head throw…I still can’t get down the different headshakes), but I know making that noise or even just using the finger wag would be considered rather rude in the U.S.

3. Linking arms: Two women or two men might walk down the street with arms linked (even sometimes hands held). While I normally don’t like to be touched, I consider this soft gesture rather nice. It can make you feel connected with someone while doing something as simple as walking. I also like it because you can get out of it, as quickly as you’d like! Just step around a slower walker or see something in a shop window you like, and you can easily let go. (Rarely though, would you see a man and a woman interact like this in public.)

4. Casual touching: Someone might also lean against you when you are talking. My female co-worker has put her hand on my leg more than once when we are working on a document together. It proves to me that she and I are friends, not just co-workers, and I like that she feels comfortable around me. Sometimes, though, the unexpectedness of it startles me more than I want it to.

5. Kissing on the cheek: Here is the one social habit that I like the least. Here my non-enjoyment of being touched really kicks in; I don’t like being that close to someone. Plus, there is this question of 2 kisses or 4. Two kisses is for everyday greeting and 4 is for when it has been a long time. What constitutes a long time?! No idea. I did figure out that you go to YOUR right first, and that has made it better. The kiss also bothers me because if you really are excited to see someone, don’t you want to hug them?! Like full-on bear hug? Albanians do hug sometimes, too, but they are side hugs after a kiss or maybe 2. I really haven’t figured it out.

All of these have become parts of my Albanian everyday life, and the first three listed are ones I wouldn’t mind becoming part of my American everyday life, as well. However, I realize that under the current American social norms, few would be appropriate. Plus, I hope the kiss never comes to America. Please, don’t let it come to America.